I am afraid you'll be a friend in time to come. Very little time, in fact. I need us to stay as strangers. If not, I'll start worrying about losing a friend and unconsciously avoid doing things that will garner your disapproval. Not anybody else's but yours, so it's somewhat like fitting into a jar. That won't do, I won't fully be myself. Allowing myself to be me is one of the greatest reasons why we're talking - and I've surprised myself many times so far. I want this to continue, for me to not fear any kind of silence between us, or differences.

The very fact that I'm thinking about this worries me. I need this friendship to be a selfish need of mine, for it to be a chance to realise myself, the person I can truly be. Because I cannot allow myself to be lost in it, I'm not supposed to. And suddenly I reminded myself: it'll only work if we're both being ourselves - so are you?

No wait. I've got it.

I know I can't run if I start to get lost in it, I know the hurt and I will not do it to anyone else. I can't simply say "okay I'll give this friendship a miss" because it isn't just about our friendship. it's the fact that THIS friendship will help me be who I want to be.

Honestly, I have to get over this. A way to be myself even though we're friends and not strangers. Hopefully I'll learn something from this and have the confidence to say what is on my mind in front of my friends and (future) friends too. That is the entire point of this.